well, here i go again
Pain, a state in which i live in. Emotional, and physical pain. I have been hurt and wounded by family, and wounded by those I care about. I found solace in a relationship that I have, or had, right now that is too high up in the air. But maybe that was a mistake. I put too much of myself into the relationship, relying on that one person way too much. Thats a mistake I look to correct, and i sincerely mean that. I’m merely a fool in love, questioning out of insecurity, how much I am loved back.
This past month or so has been rough, and I have heard and accepted the apology, but that doesn’t make it something I have forgotten. I know she cares, she cares a lot. Why can’t i see it though, in the moment, when its happening? Im just trying to make sense of everything thats happened. Maybe when she is actually showing that she cares, I look for more, and am disappointed when it isn’t there. Or maybe the complication of the situation, the “sort of” break up. I’m hanging on by a thread, wondering whether I am being jerked around or not.
She say’s she is confused, I believe her, and respect the right not to know what she wants. I am damn proud of her for taking steps towards changing herself for the better. Its truly admirable.
You know what, no matter what happens here I know I’ll be okay. I’ll figure something out. But i do love her, and i do care. Hopefully one day we will be able to figure something out.